Crazy Love, Crazy Revelations

I don't know really why I am writing this blog entry other than the fact that I feel I need to get things off of my heavy heart.  I know that the only people that follow my blog are my family and maybe a few friends....so I think it will be alright if I unload here. :)  Luck you!

I am slowly reading Crazy Love by Francis Chan with my husband.  If you have ever read this book you know it is not an easy book to read and if you haven't read it then I highly encourage you do.  I have never in my life read a book that is so hard to read yet had so much clarity about God and how He wants us to truly live. 

I feel like I have spent 26 years of my life living in a way that was satisfying to God.  I grew up in a christian home, spent time reading my bible, never really committed any "big" sins, went to church, was involved in church, etc.  And yet never really feeling satisfied, never feeling like I was super close to God.  I envied people that you could see God's joy and love in, those women that would talk of Him beaming with happiness and love.  (And yes I am tearing up right now trying to hold back the sobs because it is hard to confess such deep, embarrassing secrets.)  But I finally figured out what is missing in my life, why I don't talk as those women do-I haven't loved God with my whole heart.  I have said I have and that I try to, but that's simply not true.  I have spent 26 years of my life giving God the leftovers.  I have spent my time as I have pleased, I have been involved in things that I wanted to be involved in, I have been comfortable.  "Obviously, its not what you advertise that counts; its what you are really made of." (FC) I have sadly been lukewarm.  I have spent my time trying to please the people around me-family, friends, and husband, instead of pleasing my Savior.  As Francis Chan says "I have tacked Him onto my life."  Isn't it sadly ironic that I live my life trying to please everyone BUT my Creator, my Savior, the one who loves me the most, who knows me better that anyone else, who decides my eternity.  Why do I do this??  I do this because my heart and my mind are not focused on Him constantly.  I do this because I let "life" get in the way of spending time with Him.  "Let's stop calling it a 'busy schedule', or 'bills' or 'forgetfulness'.  It's called evil." (FC) How much of my day do I spend with Him?  How much of my time do I spend showing Him my love by loving others? "God's definition of what matters is pretty straightforward.  He measures our lives by how we love." (FC)

I think I have spent much of my spiritual life basing my decisions and actions on feelings.  Do I feel close to God?  Do I feel loved by Him?  God doesn't need me to feel close to Him in order to carry out His commandments.  He doesn't need me to feel His love because I KNOW it is there.  He has told me over and over again in scripture, so why spend the time and energy questioning it?  I need to obey Him, whether I feel like it or not.  A life with the Lord is not meant to be easy or comfortable, it is about surrendering. 

As I am typing this I hope you know that I am preaching to myself and not anyone else.  There are many people in my life that have told me about their revelations with God about all of these things and more, and yes God was tugging at my heart during those times, but I feel like God is really revealing that to me today in my God (I have decided to omit the word quiet time because it seems so soothing and calm, most of my God times are not so calm, hence replacing it) time. 

So what do I walk away with...what has God told me today.  Quit being a hypocrite.  Committ yourself whole heartedly to Me.  Quit filling your time with things that don't matter.  Love-love Me, love My children.  How do you show love? "Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude.  It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.  Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  Love never ends....faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love."  1 Corinthians 13:4-8, 13

My prayer today is that I not forget what God has revealed to me today.  That tomorrow I don't go about my day the same way that I have gone about them for the past 26 years.  That is my fear. 
Please pray for me that I not continue to be the lukewarm person that I am today, that I begin to swim up stream regardless of those around me who are floating down stream.

(Sorry I am not going to read back through this because I know my personatlity a litte too well-I will read and reread and edit and correct and delete.  I will second quess what I have written and rethink exposing myself-so sorry if there are a lot of mistakes-grammatically and/or spelling!)

Year One as Mr. & Mrs.

Warning: this post may be a little cheesy and sappy, proceed with caution.

In seven days I will have been married to the most sweet, compassionate, loving, godly, handsome, and wonderful man.... my best friend.... my husband- Aubry John Taylor.  I can't believe how fast this year has gone by!  It seems like yesterday that we were with family and friends in Salado exchanging vows and dancing it up at Jack's Barn.

We have definitely been through a lot in this first year of marriage: moving towns, moving away from family, moving houses, starting new jobs, new church, and new friends.  The theme for this year was definitely been all about change.  We have learned to trust the Lord with anything and everything. 

God has personally taught me a lot this year on how to be a wife which means to be selfless, to be an encourager, to be selfless, to be positive, to be selfless, to be a good listener, to be selfless, etc.  Yes as you can probably tell the most important and hardest thing that he has taught me this year is to be selfless.   I have not quite perfected this act, as my husband can attest to, but I continue to work on this every day. 

Now, to get back to telling you about this man that I call my husband.  Aubry John is without a doubt the man that God set aside for me from the beginning.  There are so many times that I think back to the countless amount of prayers that I prayed over him as a young woman, asking God to give me a pure, godly, sweet, handsome, kid loving, family man.  And did he ever deliver such a man and more.  I have learned over and over that God will always exceed your expectations and desires if you really trust Him and His timing. God blessed me with a man who knows how to love me in the most perfect way, how to comfort me, and how to keep me from being a hypochondriac (which can be a bit of a problem:).  AJ encourages me daily to be a better friend, sister, daughter, and follower of Christ.  He is funny, witty, and handsome.  He is the person I can tell my most inner secrets to and talk about my daily struggles with, he is truly my very best friend.   I completely adore him and am so proud to be his wife.  I love you Aubry John, now more than ever.  Happy One Year Anniversary Darling!



Ok so I will end this post with a year in pictures!

First Day of Marriage

Honeymoon in South Padre

Two Weeks in College Station

Saying goodbye to the truck and getting the new Ford Edge

Thanksgiving

My birthday weekend in Marble Falls

Reliving our Proposal in Marble Falls

Christmas at the Taylor's

Our First Christmas as Mr. and Mrs.

New Year's Eve

San Antonio Rodeo with the Alexander's

5k

Spring Break at Sea World

Date at Gruene

Date on the Riverwalk

Easter

Ellie's Dance Recital

Rachel's Graduation

Beach time in Corpus Christi with the family

 You may be wondering why I am creating this post 7 days in advance!  We will be on vacation over our actual anniversary day :)

Our House, Our Home

I know, I know.....it has taken me almost a year to post a new entry.  I attribute that to a crazy teaching job which was life consuming and time consuming.  BUT it is the summer and now I find myself with some free time.   I thought by now I would be sunbathing everyday, watching FRIENDS reruns, and pretending to exercise and get in shape for our upcoming vacation, but unfortunately that doesn't seem to be the case.  For the past week my life has been consumed with looking for a new place for us to live.  I have spent countless hours on this dang computer and my phone searching for any house in our price range, North San Antonio, and accepts dogs.  You would think with the millions of homes in this town that this would not be a hard thing to find, at least that's what I thought until I spent the entire first day of summer browsing trulia, zillow, realty.com, hotpads, etc.  In all this searching and driving and calling and emailing I have really become grateful for the house that we live in now.  It is by no means fancy, big, or paradise BUT it is the first house where AJ and I made a home.  We have spent a lot of time in this house making it our home and now we are about to leave it.  I NEVER thought I would say this, especially about this house, but I am going to miss it.  Ever since we moved in to this house I have complained about many things-first the hand washing of all dishes since the dishwasher doesn't work, leaky lines in the washing machine valves (which are fixed now), running toilet, no space in the master bathroom, and ultimately the shady neighbors across the street.  However, now I am beginning to see that his rental wasn't all bad.  It has more than enough space for us, it looks nice on the outside, and is a lot nicer than most rentals on the inside. 

Since we are moving in three weeks, realtors came by to take pictures of the inside to post on all of those realty search engines mentioned previously.  Of course I cleaned relentlessly since our house was going to be all over the internet, so I thought I would take some pictures of it too since it is rarely ever this clean :)

 This house with its many flaws was still our first home, which means it will forever be a part of us.

 Now we are in the waiting game, waiting on an application for a new house to be approved.  I do believe they have any and all information that they could ever possibly want to know about AJ and I (don't tell my dad...he would totally freak at this!).  It is crazy how much people want to know about you in order for them to rent their property to you.  I thought that the process for renting would be close to the same as it is in College Station.......ha.  So now we wait...we pray...and we wait.  We have about 7 days to find a place and sign the lease before we leave the country!!!