Psalm 139:14

Psalm 139:14 "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."

I came across this verse today and I just kept rereading it.

How can I praise Him for how He created me because I feel so flawed, overlooked, unimportant, small, little, not enough, etc?

My God time this morning was an accumulation of many things the Lord has been impressing on my heart the past few days.  

It began with my IF table dinner this past Sunday.  There are six of us women that gather together to eat dinner and to talk about our relationships with the Lord.  I truly look forward to this time every month, but I am also a bit hesitant.  I know that the time I spend with these women is going to be fun and entertaining, and an escape from the duties of mom and wife!  But it is also a time of reflection and intimate conversation.  It is the intimacy that scares me.  In fact, I don't like to tell others the intimate details of who I am or how I feel.  I am great at making conversation with others as long as it remains at surface level or a little bit below.  When asked deep questions I find myself baffled because I don't really know how to answer them. As a christian, I know this  the exact opposite of what the Lord wants me to be.  I know that the saying "Your relationship with God should be personal, not private" is true, BUT my goodness that is so hard for me.  I am not good at verbal communication in general, much less communicating about the most special and meaningful part of who I am.
 
So, this past Sunday when I was asked how my relationship with the Lord was going, the only word that came to my mouth was stagnant.  I measured my relationship by how much time I had been in the word, my "quiet time".  The truth is...God is always speaking to me and I don't feel like I can measure it.  Do I feel close to Him?...at times.  Do I feel far away from Him?....at times.  Do I have hard time trying to figure out what He is telling me?...sometimes.  So is my relationship really stagnant?....NO..Is it unique and hard to describe?...YES.  Does this make me flawed that I have a hard time communicating with others my relationship with the Lord??  I don't know.  Am I flawed that I don't like telling others about a relationship that is so special to me??? 

If this verse in Psalms is true, that I am fearfully and wonderfully made....why did God create me to be someone who is not good at verbal communication or doesn't enjoy sharing the intimate details of my relationship with Him?  Or did God not create me to be this way at all......is it that over time I have become guarded because of sin or have been misguided by others?

Ecclesiastes 11: 5 "As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother's womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Makers of all things."
 
This is only one of the things the Lord has been speaking to me about this week.  I feel like I have lived a life time of trying to figure out who I am.....my traits, qualities, what makes me tick.  It is hard when you are related to so many amazing people and you hope that you have some of their same qualities, only to figure out that you are actually far from it.  My sisters are both very funny and loud and can entertain a room.......nope don't have these qualities, unfortunately.  My husband and sister are great at communicating....nope don't have that quality either.  I even try to pretend sometimes that I have the same spiritual gifts as they do or that of my husband, but NOPE.  I am unique in that way as well.  What are my spiritual gits....

Administration: task oriented, concerned with details
Serving: love to help out, does not need spotlight
Giving: good steward, cheerfully and joyfully give

Yes, I took a test on Sunday after leaving the IF dinner feeling incompetent.

You see the thing I have learned most thru this whole revelation is that I am not like my sisters, not like the other women at my IF table, not like my BFF.  God has definitely created me unlike them so why don't I try to start living my life not in comparison to others but trying to figure out how GOD wants to USE ME.  How can MY spiritual gifts be used?  If I don't like to communicate verbally...how can I tell others how the Lord is working on me and in me??   Yep.......I guess this is how this blog entry came about.  Maybe only 1 person will read this...probably someone I am related to....but at least I am sharing what the Lord is doing in me.  :)

I also read Ecclesiastes 3 today....thank you Holly for teaching me to invite the Holy Spirit in to my quiet time...it does make a HUGE difference!

Ecclesiastes 3 New International Version (NIV)

A Time for Everything

3 There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens:

²     a time to be born and a time to die,
    a time to plant and a time to uproot,
³     a time to kill and a time to heal,
    a time to tear down and a time to build,
⁴     a time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance,
⁵     a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
⁶     a time to search and a time to give up,
    a time to keep and a time to throw away,
⁷     a time to tear and a time to mend,
    a time to be silent and a time to speak,
⁸     a time to love and a time to hate,
    a time for war and a time for peace.

⁹ What do workers gain from their toil? ¹⁰ I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. ¹¹ He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet^[a] no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. ¹² I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. ¹³ That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God. ¹⁴ I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that people will fear him.


This is my time to embrace who I really am, what my spiritual gifts really are,praise the Lord for who He created me to be.  This is my time to speak and not be silent about the Lord's work in my life, a time to search for how He wants to use me in the church and to give up on trying to be who others, even myself, think I SHOULD be.

Thanks for reading....sorry it was long and maybe a bit confusing.  I hope the Lord speaks to you today in some way, because when He does it is amazing!

We have a name!

We finally have decided on a name for our son!  After much debating and many different lists, we have settled on the name Aubry Luke!  Our son will be the fifth generation of Aubry Taylors.  He follows after a long line of sweet and great men, hopefully he will continue on the tradition.  

Although his first name is Aubry, he will go by Luke.  This is also a tradition in the Taylor men-not one of them goes by Aubry.  There is Babe, Lane, and AJ.  We knew from the moment we found out we were having a boy that he would carry on the family name.  The hard part was figuring out the name he would be called. One of the really cool and random coincidences of the name Aubry is that it is also a family name on my side, the Livelys.  My grandfather's middle name was Aubrey and my uncle's name is Aubrey.  The spelling is a bit different, but nonetheless a pretty cool coincidence.  So.....I like to think that our son will really be carrying on two different families names. :) (And...both of these men did not go by Aubrey-CA and Bubba Lively)

This past week I was reading passages over him and praying over our son, and it dawned on me...why do I keep debating on what his name should be.  Aj and I had tried to come up with names that were unique, creative, rare, but Luke had always been one of my favorites (not because Luke was my boyfriend in 2nd grade:).  I knew that I wanted him to have a name that carried great significance.   Obviously Luke is a bible name: a man who was in love with the Lord, a doctor, author of a book in the New Testament, one of Paul's best friends, and a devoted leader of spreading the gospel.  I then looked up the meaning of Luke:  "bringer of light...morning."!  WOW what an incredible name, SOLD!  Right then I knew without a doubt this was the name for our son.  He has definitely brought  light and joy into the hearts of my husband and I from the very beginning and ultimately this has and continues to be my prayer for him-that he would be a light for the Lord just as Luke was 2000 years ago.  So....to make a long story short...we now refer to our son as LUKE!

21 weeks

 22 weeks

 23 weeks

 24 weeks

 25 weeks

Pregnancy Update:  Luke is a mover, shaker, and kicker.  It has been such a cool blessing the past few weeks of getting to feel him move around.  I LOVE these moments!!  When my belly moves and does crazy things, it makes him so much more real to me...that there actually is a cute, tiny, little baby forming and growing in my tummy. :)  Aj and my sister Tracy have gotten to feel him and I am sure in the coming week.....my whole family will have an opportunity to feel him.  At my doctors appointment today the sonogram tech showed me that he is already up past my bellybutton and close to me ribs............yep I think the third trimester could be a doozy for me, especially if he keeps up with his kicking and punching routine. 

It's a.......

 

It's a BOY!  

We found out on Wednesday that we are going to be the parents of a sweet baby boy!!  AJ and I both totally thought we were going to have a girl, so it came as a big surprise to find out that we are actually having a boy.   We couldn't be more happy!!!  The ultra sound was so surreal, we got to see him sucking his thumb, yawning, and moving his arms and legs.   As we were talking about him, he even turned towards the camera as if to be looking straight at us!  He is measuring to the day and looks PERFECT!  The reality of us actually having a baby is starting to set in and it brings my such  heart unspeakable joy!  Definitely looking forward to September!!

 17 weeks

 18 weeks

 19 weeks

20 weeks!

The Count Down

16 weeks and counting!  

I can't believe that we are already at 4 months! 

 12 weeks

 13 weeks

14 weeks

15 weeks

16 weeks.  Happy Easter!

 The bump has been a slow process.  My doctor told me to be careful what I wish for....so I will continue to be patient.  I am feeling much better this trimester.  The evening sickness has seemed to disappear.  However, the tiredness seems to linger.  I am pretty sure I could take a nap every day if I could!!

April 24th is going to be a big day in the Taylor family!! We get to see our baby on the big screen and find out the sex, baby willing!!  Predictions anyone?!

Taylor Trio

We are the Taylor Duo no more and we could not be more excited!!We are happy to announce (finally) that we are expecting Baby Taylor in September 2013!  We feel so happy and so blessed that God has given us this little peanut.  We truly believe that this little bundle is a miracle from God. 
So here's the scoop on how the last few months have played out.

December-After trying for a couple of months, MY patience was wearing thin.  God knows this to be true (unfortunately).  I decide to take a test on December 26th, praying for a miracle, however my test came back negative.  This was definitely not my first run in with a negative test, in fact, my husband was thinking about buying stock in First Response.  Just like every time before, I cried a little and found comfort in the arms of my loving husband and lifted up a prayer.  My worries and sadness were a bit deterred as I headed to Kauai, Hawaii with my mom and sisters.      

January-Our trip to Hawaii was AMAZING!  Kauai was so beautiful, time with my family was unforgettable, and the Mai Tais were yummy!  Unfortunately is was time to head back to work.  On my first day back to school I had to go grocery shopping after work.  If you are a teacher you know this is not an ideal time to do any shopping.  While at the grocery store I decide to pick up some more tests (yes I did go through several boxes since September).  After unloading the groceries I decide to take a test, however there was no excitement or anticipation this time.  I felt like I knew it was going to be negative, but I felt like I needed to take one in the slight chance that it was positive.  Well as you are probably concluding by now, it came back POSITIVE!  My first reaction was one of shock and then joy and then uncertainty.  So.....like any other normal person, I decide I need to take another one for confirmation.  AJ is still at work at this time, even though it is around 7:00.  (I remember this just like it was yesterday.)  In order to take another test ASAP I start downing glass after glass of water.  I am sitting on my bedroom floor just trying to drink water as fast as possible.  Finally I take the last test and it again comes back positive!! 

Telling AJ-I am so EXCITED, yet still in disbelief.  If you know me at all, then you know I am a planner.  This is not exactly how I had imagined I would find out that I was pregnant.  I wasn't prepared with cutesie baby things to surprise AJ with.  He was coming home in 30 minutes and I had nothing.  I love surprising people with good news in special ways (birthdays, gifts, etc) so I was conflicted-run to the store and have AJ beat me home or try to come up with something random.  I chose the latter and started my brainstorming.  I went in to the office and found arrow sticky notes, markers, and computer paper-not much, but it had to work.  I created little sweet compliments about my husband and taped them to the walls in our house,along with the arrow sticky notes which were pointing to your bedroom.  The last note on our bedroom door said something about him being a good daddy.  It was awesome to hear his response of shock as he opened the door.  I was there sitting on the bed with the two pregnancy tests and my camera recording in the corner.  This was definitely one of the most exciting and sweetest moments in our marriage. 

February-In February at 9 weeks we told our families.  We were able to tell my parents and sisters in Hutto, while picking up our beef (sorry felt the need to include this detail as it sums up my family).  They were beyond excited!  We gave my dad some sauces in appreciation of the beef-Sweet BABY Rays, PREGO sauce...well he didn't get it, BUT the picture frame with our first sonogram seemed to do the trick.  My little nieces and nephew were SO cute!  They couldn't believe there was a baby in my tummy.  They wanted me to lift my shirt so they could see it. :)  That same weekend, we drove to meet AJ's parents in Boerne.  We wrapped up a sign for AJ's dad which said 'Grandpa's Workshop, Where Broken Toys are Fixed'.  They were also very excited, their first grand-baby!  When we got home we Face Timed his two sisters, showing them the sonogram, and announcing they would be aunts for the first time.

March-12 weeks!  I officially had my 12 week appointment today!  I got to hear the heartbeat and hear him/her wiggle around in my belly.  It's amazing how something can sound so beautiful to your ears.  I am definitely learning every day of this pregnancy that you have to keep your Faith and Trust in God.  It can be so scary not being able to see or feel the little baby growing inside of you.  There are so many things that can go wrong, so many websites of scary information, but I am learning every day that I have to trust.  Whatever His plan looks like for this baby I have to trust that He is in control and that it is good. 

Crazy Love, Crazy Revelations

I don't know really why I am writing this blog entry other than the fact that I feel I need to get things off of my heavy heart.  I know that the only people that follow my blog are my family and maybe a few friends....so I think it will be alright if I unload here. :)  Luck you!

I am slowly reading Crazy Love by Francis Chan with my husband.  If you have ever read this book you know it is not an easy book to read and if you haven't read it then I highly encourage you do.  I have never in my life read a book that is so hard to read yet had so much clarity about God and how He wants us to truly live. 

I feel like I have spent 26 years of my life living in a way that was satisfying to God.  I grew up in a christian home, spent time reading my bible, never really committed any "big" sins, went to church, was involved in church, etc.  And yet never really feeling satisfied, never feeling like I was super close to God.  I envied people that you could see God's joy and love in, those women that would talk of Him beaming with happiness and love.  (And yes I am tearing up right now trying to hold back the sobs because it is hard to confess such deep, embarrassing secrets.)  But I finally figured out what is missing in my life, why I don't talk as those women do-I haven't loved God with my whole heart.  I have said I have and that I try to, but that's simply not true.  I have spent 26 years of my life giving God the leftovers.  I have spent my time as I have pleased, I have been involved in things that I wanted to be involved in, I have been comfortable.  "Obviously, its not what you advertise that counts; its what you are really made of." (FC) I have sadly been lukewarm.  I have spent my time trying to please the people around me-family, friends, and husband, instead of pleasing my Savior.  As Francis Chan says "I have tacked Him onto my life."  Isn't it sadly ironic that I live my life trying to please everyone BUT my Creator, my Savior, the one who loves me the most, who knows me better that anyone else, who decides my eternity.  Why do I do this??  I do this because my heart and my mind are not focused on Him constantly.  I do this because I let "life" get in the way of spending time with Him.  "Let's stop calling it a 'busy schedule', or 'bills' or 'forgetfulness'.  It's called evil." (FC) How much of my day do I spend with Him?  How much of my time do I spend showing Him my love by loving others? "God's definition of what matters is pretty straightforward.  He measures our lives by how we love." (FC)

I think I have spent much of my spiritual life basing my decisions and actions on feelings.  Do I feel close to God?  Do I feel loved by Him?  God doesn't need me to feel close to Him in order to carry out His commandments.  He doesn't need me to feel His love because I KNOW it is there.  He has told me over and over again in scripture, so why spend the time and energy questioning it?  I need to obey Him, whether I feel like it or not.  A life with the Lord is not meant to be easy or comfortable, it is about surrendering. 

As I am typing this I hope you know that I am preaching to myself and not anyone else.  There are many people in my life that have told me about their revelations with God about all of these things and more, and yes God was tugging at my heart during those times, but I feel like God is really revealing that to me today in my God (I have decided to omit the word quiet time because it seems so soothing and calm, most of my God times are not so calm, hence replacing it) time. 

So what do I walk away with...what has God told me today.  Quit being a hypocrite.  Committ yourself whole heartedly to Me.  Quit filling your time with things that don't matter.  Love-love Me, love My children.  How do you show love? "Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude.  It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.  Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  Love never ends....faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love."  1 Corinthians 13:4-8, 13

My prayer today is that I not forget what God has revealed to me today.  That tomorrow I don't go about my day the same way that I have gone about them for the past 26 years.  That is my fear. 
Please pray for me that I not continue to be the lukewarm person that I am today, that I begin to swim up stream regardless of those around me who are floating down stream.

(Sorry I am not going to read back through this because I know my personatlity a litte too well-I will read and reread and edit and correct and delete.  I will second quess what I have written and rethink exposing myself-so sorry if there are a lot of mistakes-grammatically and/or spelling!)

Year One as Mr. & Mrs.

Warning: this post may be a little cheesy and sappy, proceed with caution.

In seven days I will have been married to the most sweet, compassionate, loving, godly, handsome, and wonderful man.... my best friend.... my husband- Aubry John Taylor.  I can't believe how fast this year has gone by!  It seems like yesterday that we were with family and friends in Salado exchanging vows and dancing it up at Jack's Barn.

We have definitely been through a lot in this first year of marriage: moving towns, moving away from family, moving houses, starting new jobs, new church, and new friends.  The theme for this year was definitely been all about change.  We have learned to trust the Lord with anything and everything. 

God has personally taught me a lot this year on how to be a wife which means to be selfless, to be an encourager, to be selfless, to be positive, to be selfless, to be a good listener, to be selfless, etc.  Yes as you can probably tell the most important and hardest thing that he has taught me this year is to be selfless.   I have not quite perfected this act, as my husband can attest to, but I continue to work on this every day. 

Now, to get back to telling you about this man that I call my husband.  Aubry John is without a doubt the man that God set aside for me from the beginning.  There are so many times that I think back to the countless amount of prayers that I prayed over him as a young woman, asking God to give me a pure, godly, sweet, handsome, kid loving, family man.  And did he ever deliver such a man and more.  I have learned over and over that God will always exceed your expectations and desires if you really trust Him and His timing. God blessed me with a man who knows how to love me in the most perfect way, how to comfort me, and how to keep me from being a hypochondriac (which can be a bit of a problem:).  AJ encourages me daily to be a better friend, sister, daughter, and follower of Christ.  He is funny, witty, and handsome.  He is the person I can tell my most inner secrets to and talk about my daily struggles with, he is truly my very best friend.   I completely adore him and am so proud to be his wife.  I love you Aubry John, now more than ever.  Happy One Year Anniversary Darling!



Ok so I will end this post with a year in pictures!

First Day of Marriage

Honeymoon in South Padre

Two Weeks in College Station

Saying goodbye to the truck and getting the new Ford Edge

Thanksgiving

My birthday weekend in Marble Falls

Reliving our Proposal in Marble Falls

Christmas at the Taylor's

Our First Christmas as Mr. and Mrs.

New Year's Eve

San Antonio Rodeo with the Alexander's

5k

Spring Break at Sea World

Date at Gruene

Date on the Riverwalk

Easter

Ellie's Dance Recital

Rachel's Graduation

Beach time in Corpus Christi with the family

 You may be wondering why I am creating this post 7 days in advance!  We will be on vacation over our actual anniversary day :)